is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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