Me too!
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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