I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
