come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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