i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
