We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
