Do you still have your period?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
this hospital has no fireball
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Randomize
