Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
