She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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