Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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