The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
