He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
