I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
