why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize