he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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