meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
