My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize