my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
