How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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