I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
