there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
