***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
