Soap is not a condiment
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
