If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
