Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
