As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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