Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
