I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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