Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
