after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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