Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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