cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
