Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
