remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's shark week go big or go home
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
