So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
