I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You were trust falling into bushes
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
