i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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