Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
