She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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