I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
