well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Help. Why am I so naked?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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