I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
