dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I love you.
Bad choice
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize