Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
