i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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