We won't sleep together?
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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