if you like me you must not know who I am
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
