If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
