so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize