Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
