I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
