what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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