i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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