you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
