I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
