It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
