Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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