He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
