I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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