Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I am naked and annoyed.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
