I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Randomize