I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I party with great urgency now.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
