does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize