yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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