My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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