Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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