He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize