You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
